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fic: In Transition (part 1 of 7)

Title: In Transition

Author: fengirl88

Fandom: Sherlock

Wordcount: 1138 for this part.

Pairings: Sherlock/John not-very-established relationship; Sherlock/Lestrade complications; Sherlock/John slash, finally.

Rating: NC-17 eventually. 

Warnings: Sexual content, mild drug references, and Lestrade still swears rather a lot.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.  Just playing with them.  Again. 

Spoilers: Bits of A Study in Pink.

Summary: John has never been so happy.  Sherlock has never been so confused.  Sex has never been so awkward.

A/N:  This story started life as a sequel to Unpredictable (fengirl88.livejournal.com/1104.html), which tells how this Sherlock and John get together.  It now also bridges the gap between two later fics, The Old Bad Songs (fengirl88.livejournal.com/4243.html) and Beginning To See The Light (fengirl88.livejournal.com/7592.html).

This one's for ginbitch, the alpha plus of beta readers, who made it possible in the first place by her comments on The Old Bad Songs and who saved me and the characters from being permanently trapped in bad!scene!hell this time around.

Prologue: John

Early Days

In Transition


Prologue: John


Early Days


The last patient of the day has gone, but John doesn't move from his desk. Too busy thinking.


He still doesn't really believe this is happening. Keeps thinking he's going to wake up back in the hospital and find the whole thing has been a dream. He seems to spend far too much time at the moment grinning like an idiot, or daydreaming about being in bed with Sherlock. Never thought anything like this would happen with another man. But then Sherlock isn't like any other man he's ever known.


Still takes some getting used to, though.


He hasn't said anything to Harry about it, of course – or, God forbid, their parents. Time enough for that when things have settled down a bit. They hadn't coped well with Harry, so God knows how they would – will, he tells himself sternly, because sooner or later he'll have to tell them – cope with this.


And Sherlock isn't exactly anyone's idea of a son-in-law.


He's had a couple of texts from Clara since that night in the pub, suggesting meeting up and asking if he's OK. He tells her he's fine, just busy, that they'll meet soon. But he's avoiding it at the moment, because he feels as if this thing that's happened to him is written all over him, and she'll see it right away.


Feeling as if it's written all over him is both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because he wants everybody to know what's happening with him and Sherlock, because being with Sherlock is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to him. How could it not be? To have someone so incredible look at you as if you're not the ordinary person you thought you were, but as if you are somehow transformed into something precious and amazing and wonderful. To be looked at like that, with the full force of Sherlock's gaze. Sherlock's eyes. He gets dizzy just thinking about it.


But it's also terrifying to feel so new, turned upside-down, changed, just beginning. And he wants to protect this new raw self that seems to have no shell, or too few skins. He's not sure he could cope with attack, in whatever form – and he imagines everything from ridicule to queerbashing. So he lives in a constant state of tension, seesawing between the incredible rush of being with Sherlock and the fear that any minute he will be hurt beyond repair.


He doesn't think it's about the gay thing.


He always thought he was OK about that. He can't stand Harry, but that goes back to their childhood, before either of them had a sexuality to speak of. And he's always liked Clara. Had plenty of gay friends at Bart's, both sorts.


Still, there's a difference between having friends who are it and being it yourself. If that is what he is now.


He's never been so aware of the difference between being gay and straight. Like that first afternoon when he and Sherlock had finally dragged themselves out of bed and gone for a walk in Regent's Park to get some air. If he'd just got out of bed after all those hours with a girlfriend, he'd have put his arm round her or held her hand or stopped to kiss her, and thought nothing of it. Nobody would have thought anything of it. But all the things he wanted to do to Sherlock, all the ways he wanted to touch Sherlock, felt dangerous and forbidden. Still do. Which is difficult when you want to jump all over someone. When you're longing for him so much you feel as if your bones have melted and there's nothing holding you up any more.


He really needs to calm down. At this rate he'll wear himself out before they've been together for a fortnight. Ten days – no, eleven – since that day he still doesn't like to think about even though the end of it was – nice. Lying in bed with Sherlock, finally, kissing and touching. Feeling the unhappiness begin to thaw from his body. Quiet at last. Takes a while to get over a day like that, though.


He's not completely sure they have yet. Maybe that's why they're still quite careful around each other. Still, it's early days. They'll probably relax more once they're more used to each other.


If you could ever get used to Sherlock.


And life goes on, more or less. He goes to work and stays focused as long as there's a patient in the room. Hard to stop his mind wandering in the moments between, though. Or like now, after the last patient of the day has gone.


And Sherlock seems happy – full of energy, busier than ever, solving things you'd think nobody could work out in a lifetime. Even Donovan was actually impressed with him, that last case they worked, and forgot to call him Freak. Anderson still can't find a good word to say for him, but to be fair that's not surprising.


Haven't seen much of Lestrade lately, which is a relief. Sherlock said he was busy, working some complicated case even Sherlock didn't seem to know the details of. John knows that thing between them must have been Sherlock's fault as much as Lestrade's. Still good not to have to see him, though.


The sex isn't very good yet, which is a bit of a worry. He doesn't know if he should worry about it – hasn't really got a point of comparison. It's so long since he had a girlfriend that he doesn't remember too clearly what the sex there was like at the start.


They don't do that much yet. Maybe because they're still being careful with each other.


He worries that he doesn't know what Sherlock likes, feels clumsy and inexperienced around Sherlock. Then there are times when Sherlock can't find the right rhythm for him, or it's too hard or not hard enough. Maybe it would work better if he guided Sherlock or something, but that idea keeps reminding him of Sherlock and Lestrade, and he doesn't want to think about that. Oral sex is more complicated than it looks in the films, too. Still trying to get the hang of that.


He sometimes thinks Sherlock might like something else, but they haven't talked about it.


Haven't talked much at all, really. Not about that sort of thing. Lots of talk about work, which is nice.


It is definitely the happiest he has ever been. He just wishes he weren't so tired all the time, but with all that's going on in his mind it's not surprising.


Like Sherlock said, sex isn't that important really. And it probably does get easier with practice.


He just hopes Sherlock's happy.

Next: There is John, who is essential to him. And then there is Lestrade. )


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 25th, 2010 11:24 am (UTC)
...for _me_? _REALLY_?

*hugs fic tighter*

Thank you so much!! No-one has ever given me a fic before! And, as you know, I love this one so frickin' much!
Sep. 25th, 2010 12:39 pm (UTC)
/of course/ for you!

never was a fic dedication so well earned...


Sep. 25th, 2010 11:28 am (UTC)
This is so beautiful and touching - memming like anything!

Would you stick it on 221b_slash? I keep meaning to ask - I want your whole back-catalogue on there!


Sep. 25th, 2010 12:41 pm (UTC)
oh - thank you so much! *glows with pride*

and the invitation is just /lovely/. I will post it there, with great pleasure. *blushes*
Sep. 25th, 2010 03:31 pm (UTC)
Oh this is gorgeous - a lovely portrayal of the conflicting emotions at the start of a relationship!
Sep. 25th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
*squeaks* thank you very much! I am so glad you like it!
Sep. 25th, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
I had to read it because your summary itself is amusing. But this is a wonderful insight into John's thoughts on the situation and keeping true to the nature of Sherlock himself should they be embarking on a relationship.

"To have someone so incredible look at you as if you're not the ordinary person you thought you were, but as if you are somehow transformed into something precious and amazing and wonderful."

And what a beautiful sentence :)
Sep. 25th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and that's a lovely comment. *beams*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 26th, 2010 12:32 pm (UTC)
*squeeing* thank you so much! I am really pleased you like him. some other characters have to have their point of view next, but he will be back...

lovely choice of icon, thank you for that too.

though I still love your JOHN WATSON MEDICAL BAD!ASS one as well.

just looked at cervelliere and realize there is MORE FIC THERE that I haven't seen.

*rushes off to read it*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 27th, 2010 12:42 pm (UTC)
thank you SOOO much. I am delighted with this response. *beams*

I was inspired partly by that great prompt in bad!fic bingo, "Masterful Virgin (first time is easy yo)" which made me laugh like a drain. also by *ahem* my own experience of sex not necessarily being brilliant at the start of a relationship even if you are with someone who later turns out to be very good in bed.

warning for more heartache in next chapter once it's beta'd - because now we're going to find out what Sherlock was thinking in that scene you mention...
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 27th, 2010 01:03 pm (UTC)
yes, the happy ending for L is definitely there - it's just a question of how he's going to get to it!

after this angsty fic I swear I am just going to write silly pwp stuff for a bit.
Apr. 15th, 2011 03:54 pm (UTC)
I thought this was brilliant, very much enjoy your writing!
Apr. 15th, 2011 11:40 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I'm very glad you do, and that you took the trouble to tell me!
Jun. 16th, 2011 12:03 pm (UTC)
Yay, reading more of you. Late to the party but effusive. :)

What a relief that sex isn't instantly magical, just add water. And how hard it is to talk about that. Awkward, shy, weird.
I recall once feeling more like a clogged drain than a woman, lol.

Yet they can still be happy and growing closer.

Another real life encouragement.

Sweetest for me, John wanting to show affection in the park and not able to yet. sigh and squee.
Jun. 17th, 2011 07:07 pm (UTC)
thank you - I'm very glad you like this. I really wanted to write something where the sex didn't work well at first, because there's so much fiction where it is "instantly magical, just add water"! particularly glad you liked John in the park, which was a starting point when I was thinking about writing John and Sherlock's relationship after Unpredictable.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )


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