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fic: Boxing Day Panto (2/2)

Title: Boxing Day Panto (2/2)
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: John/Lestrade, past Sherlock/Lestrade
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: voyeurism, not all of it intentional.  Also angst.
Wordcount: ~1100 this part
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine.
Summary: Sherlock comes back early from Christmas with Mummy and Mycroft. This is not as good an idea as he thought it would be. Sequel to A Burst Pipe Problem; bits of this won't make much sense if you haven't read that.
A/N: This is for megan_moonlight, who asked months ago what Sherlock would do when he found out what happens between John and Lestrade in A Burst Pipe Problem. I'm grateful to her and kalypso_v for suggestions which influenced part 2 of this fic in particular.

Boxing Day Panto

Act Two: Lestrade

“John? I'm back! John! Where are you? What are you doing?”

Not the most tactful question, in the circumstances.

One minute you're having a festive shag, Lestrade thinks bitterly, and the next thing you know you're starring in a bloody Carry On film.

It's completely fucking typical of Sherlock to turn up just as Watson and Lestrade are getting nicely into their stride again. Bastard couldn't have timed it worse if he'd done it on purpose.

Next time Lestrade sees Mycroft blasted Holmes he is seriously going to give the supercilious tosser a piece of his mind. No way bloody Sherlock could have made it back unassisted this early from Christmas at Mummy's. Mycroft must have sent the car, probably desperate to get shot of him, hardly surprising –

“John! You can't still be asleep, it's gone eleven. JOHN!”

The shouting from downstairs is getting louder. Also closer.

“Fuck!” John gasps, gripping Lestrade's shoulders tighter. Lestrade can feel John starting to clench around his cock, he's getting dangerously close himself now –

should have locked the bloody bedroom door, not that that's much use with Sherlock around, oh Christ, fuck, fuck

Erősebben,” John hisses in his ear.

Startled, Lestrade does as he's told, thrusting harder as John cries out and squeezes his thighs around him so tight Lestrade can hardly breathe. He's getting dizzy and there's a lot of confused shouting, not all of it coming from outside the bedroom door. Then his own orgasm hits him and he can't see or hear anything distinctly for a while.

When he comes back to himself, still pretty dazed, he finds he's literally in the middle of a massive row. Or rather, Sherlock is trying to have a massive row with John over Lestrade's shoulder, and John is not having it. John is pointing out that if Sherlock goes barging uninvited into other people's bedrooms he has only himself to blame if he sees something he doesn't like.

Lestrade's not sure whether to be more impressed by John's coolness under fire or by his ability to say anything at all so soon after a shag like that, especially flat on his back with Lestrade still collapsed on top of him.

It's probably just as well one of them is able to deal with Sherlock; Lestrade is not going to attempt to speak at the moment. Or move. Or do anything much apart from breathe, really.

John pulls the bedding protectively up over them, giving Lestrade's arse an affectionate squeeze in passing, and goes on calmly resisting all Sherlock's attempts to cause trouble.

“I don't care if you've invited Mrs Hudson for lunch, Sherlock. It's your problem, not mine, and you'll just have to deal with it yourself. There are plenty of leftovers in the fridge and I'm sure you can find a shop open somewhere if we're out of milk. Or you can tell her you made a mistake. It's entirely up to you. But whatever you're going to do, you'd better go and get on with it, and leave us in peace for the rest of the day. Now.”

Very much to Lestrade's surprise, Sherlock goes. Muttering something about being scarred for life (“Go away, Sherlock!”), but he goes. And stays gone.

Invited Mrs Hudson for lunch,” John says indignantly. “Bollocks. He must think I was born yesterday.”

“Nngh,” Lestrade says. He still can't speak.

“Interfering with other people's sex lives just because he's never seen the point of it,” John grumbles.

Lestrade has a sudden and very vivid memory of Sherlock enthusiastically sucking him off in an alleyway after their first case together, five years ago. He opens his mouth to say something about that, because he really ought to tell John before this thing between them goes any further. But all that comes out is “Mmfff.”

“Sorry,” John says, grinning. “That's enough Sherlock for one day, right?”

He kisses him so enthusiastically that Lestrade feels slightly dizzy, and the moment passes. He'll tell John soon. Very soon. No point spoiling a nice lie-in, now Sherlock's finally buggered off and left them in peace.

Lestrade doesn't think he's ever had a shag that ended quite like that one, though Christ knows he's had some bizarre shags in his time. He starts laughing, thinking about it, and John joins in.

John has a nice laugh. Lestrade thinks it would be good to hear that sound more often. A lot more often. Preferably without Sherlock anywhere within a ten-mile radius.

The front door of 221b slams again, making the windows shake, and they hear Sherlock hailing a passing taxi.

Lestrade doesn't know anybody else who could do that on Boxing Day in Baker Street. Man seems to have supernatural powers when it comes to pulling cabs out of thin air.

He wonders uneasily where Sherlock has gone. Hopes he remembered to switch off his mobile last night, because the last thing he needs right now is a string of furious texts from Donovan or Dimmock.

Maybe Sherlock can find something to do with himself that doesn't involve being a grade A fucking nuisance to Scotland Yard. But Lestrade doubts it.

“You worrying about him?” John asks.

It's hardly a surprising question, in the circumstances.

“Mm,” Lestrade says, non-committal.

“Thought so,” John says. “Come on, Lestrade, it's still Christmas. Better things to do with the day than worry about my tosser of a flatmate.”

He starts stroking Lestrade's back, running his hands down from the nape of Lestrade's neck to the cleft of his buttocks. Mmm.

“'S nice,” Lestrade says, feeling his cock twitching unexpectedly.

“Ha,” John says smugly, registering the twitch. “Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?”

His hand slides lower, pushing between Lestrade's thighs and fondling his balls.

“Christ, Watson, I'm not twenty, you know,” Lestrade protests.

“I know,” John says. “Wouldn't be interested in you if you were. I like older men.”

“Cheeky sod,” Lestrade says. “How old are you anyway?”

“Thirty-nine,” John says. “Old enough to know better, young enough to start again.”

Lestrade's not sure if what John has in mind is a new start in life or another round of shagging. Thinks it's probably both. Wonders what they put on the certificate if you die of sexual exhaustion, an ambition he never seriously expected to fulfil.

“OK then,” he says. “Hungarian lesson number 4 coming right up. Have to warn you, this one's a bit of a tongue-twister so you'll need your wits about you.”

“Good,” John says, calm as you please but with a glint in his eye that makes Lestrade feel slightly breathless in advance. “I might need to go over lessons 1 to 3 again as well, though. Just to make absolutely sure I've grasped the basics.”

Definitely the best Christmas ever, Lestrade thinks, groaning happily. Probably taking years off his life, of course. But what a way to go.


Note: "Erősebben" = Hungarian for "harder". (Thank you to flannelgiraffe for setting me right about this one...)

Also posted at http://fengirl88.dreamwidth.org/55330.html with comment count unavailable comments.


( 45 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
Sep. 18th, 2011 06:23 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - glad you enjoyed it!

I think John will have to find out at some point, though he still hasn't in Barack...
Sep. 18th, 2011 06:07 pm (UTC)
Ha! The inviting-Mrs-Hudson-round gambit fails spectacularly! I share Lestrade's admiration for John's coolness under fire, though he is perhaps overestimating even Mycroft's abilities if he expects him to have anticipated John's position.

I'm hoping John will discover Lestrade's guilty secret at some point as I'm very interested to know how he reacts.

Is Nehezebb Hungarian or something I need to say out loud several times to decipher?

Edited at 2011-09-18 06:08 pm (UTC)
Sep. 18th, 2011 06:26 pm (UTC)
The inviting-Mrs-Hudson-round gambit fails spectacularly
... and deservedly so!

thank you very much for this and for the suggestions of what Sherlock would do - I'm glad you enjoyed the results. I think John will have to find out at some point, though I'm not sure yet when or how that's going to happen.

and no, Lestrade is not thinking too clearly - his brain obviously gets more fogged during sex than John's does.

Nehezebb is Hungarian for "harder"; I should add a note to that effect.

Edited at 2011-09-18 06:29 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - flannelgiraffe - Sep. 18th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Sep. 18th, 2011 09:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - flannelgiraffe - Sep. 18th, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Sep. 18th, 2011 10:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is excellent! Definitely made my day to see that you had posted this, and it's absolutely wonderful - not to mention hilarious. Although I am a bit nervous for when/if John finds out about Sherlock and Lestrade!

*hopes it won't break up this lovely couple*

Well done, you!
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:43 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *beams* so glad you enjoyed it.

I think John will have to find out about Sherlock and Lestrade eventually... but I do like these two together now (having not been able to imagine them as a couple at first), and don't want to break them up!

Sep. 18th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
Just that John said "harder" during all the chaos makes me love them all the more. He has the right priorities!

These two are perfect together :).
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - I really like writing them together and I'm very glad you enjoyed it! *beams*
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, Sherlock, you cheeky bastard. Invited Mrs Hudson to lunch, did you? Suuuuuuure.

This has the potential to be just all sorts of delightfully awkward down the road. Looking forward to it! :D
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:51 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - yes, he is a cheeky bastard, isn't he? he should have realized that you underestimate John Watson at your peril...

in Barack, which is set later than this (though it's not clear how much later), Lestrade still hasn't told John, but the truth is bound to come out eventually.
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:22 pm (UTC)
Awww, reading this made me so very, very happy XDDDDD Sherlock was so very priceless! All of them were. I should be sleeping now but I'm reading fic instead, but... I think I'll just read it again *lol*
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:54 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - and thank you for your original suggestions about how Sherlock might react! I'm sure John will find out about Sherlock and Lestrade eventually, though I'm not sure when or how that will happen.
(no subject) - megan_moonlight - Sep. 19th, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, I don't want John to be blindsided - he seems so happy here!
Sep. 18th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - I don't want John to be unhappy either, but he couldn't find out about Lestrade and Sherlock at this point, because Lestrade's still worrying about it in Barack, which is in the same 'verse but set later than this. I think he will have to find out eventually, but I'm not sure yet how that will go.

Edited at 2011-09-18 07:56 pm (UTC)
Sep. 18th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
Have just read this and the Burst Pipe Problem. Just great. And I love John's ability to stay calm (and insistent) under Sherlock fire.
Sep. 18th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - I'm very glad you enjoyed the fics! yes, I like John's calm insistence as well - it's a lot of fun to write.
Sep. 18th, 2011 10:24 pm (UTC)
Really enjoyed this ... mainly because John and Lestrade can't seem to get enough of each other. John hissing “Erősebben” at the crucial time was a magic touch.

Seems like there are other stories in this universe? I'm off to seek them out!
Sep. 18th, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - I'm glad you liked it!

A Burst Pipe Problem is the first story in the sequence and Barack is the one that comes after this. there's also another John/Lestrade fic that doesn't quite fit into the sequence, called Language Games. they should all come up if you click on the pairing: john/lestrade tag.

Edited at 2011-09-18 10:34 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - gaycrow - Sep. 18th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Sep. 18th, 2011 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 18th, 2011 10:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, lovely! *cuddles fic*

Is it mean of me to thoroughly enjoy seeing Sherlock get just a little bit of comeuppance? ;)
Sep. 18th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - glad you liked it!

I think you are not alone in enjoying Sherlock's little bit of comeuppance...


Edited at 2011-09-18 10:49 pm (UTC)
Sep. 19th, 2011 01:45 am (UTC)
I don't usually read John/Lestrade, but I'm glad I clicked. This was very hot, and I liked John being happy.
Sep. 19th, 2011 12:17 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - it's always nice to know someone's enjoyed a fic with a pairing they don't usually read!

it took me ages to get round to writing John/Lestrade, because I was so sure they were just jealous of each other. but they finally got together briefly in my threesome fics (Triple Jump and Consequences), and the dynamic between them was so much fun to write that I couldn't resist doing it again.
Sep. 19th, 2011 04:53 am (UTC)
YUS! GO BAMF JOHN! Dying to know how John will react to past L/S. Please no angst- I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH! *glomps you*

Wonders what they put on the certificate if you die of sexual exhaustion *cackles madly*
Sep. 19th, 2011 12:19 pm (UTC)
yay! thank you very much - I love this pairing as well now and I don't want them to be unhappy. though I fear it would be hard for the revelation to cause no angst whatsoever...

*glomps back*

John probably knows what they put on the certificate, don't you think?
Sep. 19th, 2011 05:30 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness! Awkwardness and joy!
Sep. 19th, 2011 12:21 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - glad you liked it! it was a lot of fun to write. *grins*

Sherlock really needs to develop a better sense of boundaries, though I doubt this will happen in the near future...
Sep. 19th, 2011 06:27 am (UTC)
on my list of scenes that really need to make it to the screen; this one, where sherlock and john are having a row over lestrade's rather collapsed due to orgasmic bliss back is high the the list! and not just because undoubtedly it would have been proceeded by john and lestrade's delightful hot sexy times. though that would be rather nice too as oh. my. yes. you do put john/lestrade in some nice positions! no, it would be because this sherlock, an indignant, huffy, and dare say bit embarrassed sherlock being told the what for by sex occupied john with lestrade at his side ( or i guess actually on him, eh?) is just hysterical. and then he was told to leave them be? one can see his expressions.a non- happy camper who has been "scarred for life", priceless!

can't wait for more, and not just because when either lestrade or sherlock does fess up as to their shared intimate history together, watch out world. no you just have me have hooked on john/lestrade and i can't wait to see where else they go, together. :)
Sep. 19th, 2011 12:27 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I agree it would be nice to see this row and the run-up to it on the screen...

*drifts off into reverie*


yes, Lestrade is still lying where he fell. sex occupied John indeed... *grins*

I am very fond of this pairing now, and there will have to be a fic at some point in which John learns about the past. but I feel I should leave them to enjoy their lie-in for a while before that revelation!
Sep. 19th, 2011 04:46 pm (UTC)
You totally surpassed my expectations for Act Two! I absolutely love the way John refuses to allow Sherlock to ruin his Christmas with Lestrade, insisting (in Hungarian no less) that they finish off having sex before telling Sherlock off. There's something quite hilarious about Lestrade being so completely sated and shagged out that he just lies on top of John while the argument goes on around him. *g*
Sep. 19th, 2011 07:13 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - that's a lovely comment! John clearly has his priorities right... I liked the idea of the argument raging over Lestrade's body, so I'm glad you enjoyed it too.
(no subject) - kalypso_v - Sep. 20th, 2011 09:16 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Sep. 20th, 2011 11:32 am (UTC) - Expand
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