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fic: Invasion

Title: Invasion
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Rating: R for themes
Warnings: implied past sexual abuse, implied incest, traumatic memory
Disclaimer: They're still not mine.
Summary: John accidentally triggers a traumatic memory for Sherlock.
A/N: This is the first fic I've written that I felt really needed warnings; please read them.
Written for the prompt square "body: belly" on my kissbingo card; the card is here.
Profound thanks to kalypso_v , ginbitch and blooms84 for their willingness to read and comment on this one.


They're in bed when it happens, which makes it worse. This is the private place, the place where they show each other the faces nobody else sees. The vulnerable ones. The unabashedly silly ones. The ones that look as if they've been painted by Picasso because they're lying too close to each other to focus. The ones that go beyond even Sherlock's ecstasy at the moment of deduction. Familiar and astonishing; completely known and transformed almost beyond recognition.

It could easily have happened somewhere else. God knows they've spent enough time playing and teasing and fucking on the sofa, for a start, and it wouldn't have felt like such an invasion there, because the sitting-room isn't the same.

Not that he really knows how it would have felt there.

All he knows is that it's happening here. The space that's just theirs has been ripped apart by something Sherlock can't control and John can't understand.

“Sherlock,” he says urgently, “Sherlock.”

But Sherlock doesn't seem to hear him. He's still lying there frozen and blank-faced, staring at the ceiling.

It had started off light-hearted and playful, one of those times when sex can be strung out for hours and there's no hurry. John loves these leisurely sessions almost more than the can't-wait-any-longer wild fucking the minute they're through the front door.

Right now he can't imagine how they're going to have either of those things again.

It began with him tracing slow circles on Sherlock's belly, first with his fingers and then with his tongue, Sherlock making little noises of pleasure in the back of his throat, his hips bucking up towards John's mouth. John pressing his lips repeatedly against Sherlock's ridiculously flat stomach, kissing and sucking him till he groaned and then pulling away again. Sherlock cursing, tugging at his hair and pulling him down again. John laughing with his mouth on Sherlock's belly as the kiss turned into blowing a raspberry against Sherlock's skin.

He'd expected Sherlock to laugh but instead he'd gone rigid, hardly even seeming to breathe. John raised his head, surprised. One look at Sherlock's face was enough.

“What is it, Sherlock?” John asked. “What's wrong?”

I don't want to.”

The voice made John's skin crawl, because it wasn't Sherlock's. Or wasn't Sherlock's now: this was a higher voice, and a much younger one. Something both frightened and insistent in the tone.

“Sherlock, you know we don't – you don't – have to do anything you don't want to,” John said, trying not to panic.

“I don't want to,” Sherlock said again, as if John hadn't spoken. “Leave me alone or I'll tell.”

“Sherlock,” John said, louder than before. “Sherlock, look at me.”

But Sherlock said nothing.

And nothing.

Staring blankly at the ceiling. Lying completely still.

The voice is an adolescent's, at most, John thinks. Might even be younger. The words are a child's.

John's mind can scarcely hold the images forcing their way into it. He tells himself there are other possibilities, plenty of them. But he's pretty sure that only applies to who, not what. The what is – inescapably, isn't it? – something sexual. Sexual and unwanted, done to Sherlock. And that action, the one he'd unwittingly repeated, was part of it. Or a prelude to it.

As for who... He tells himself again that there are plenty of other possibilities. And God knows he doesn't want to believe this one. But he can't get that other voice out of his head, the one that says He's always been so resentful. The one that talks about the feud between them as simply childish.

He really hopes he's got this wrong, because otherwise he's not sure what he's going to do to Mycroft Holmes.

But that's not the most important thing right now. Sherlock is.

Whatever it is that's happened, he will find a way to reach Sherlock somehow.

“Sherlock,” he says again, desperately. “Sherlock, it's John.”

Sherlock shudders violently and then is still again. He goes on staring at the ceiling but there's a flicker of something in his eyes, just a faint one.

John wants so much to believe that it's a sign of recognition. He can't be sure, though. And touching Sherlock really doesn't seem like a good idea, not just now.

He's a stubborn man, and a patient one. He doesn't know how long this state will last. But he'll go on trying to get through to Sherlock, for as long as it takes. He won't let anyone or anything, past, present or future, take Sherlock away from him.

ETA: this is now the first part of a complete series  (Invasion; Reconnaissance; Reveille Ambush; Intelligence; Mosaic; Minefield; Incendiary; Ceasefire)


Apr. 2nd, 2011 03:16 am (UTC)
I actually came to find your fic from AO3. I really do love this story and this series. That may sound a bit odd, given the subject matter. I was a bit hesitant about reading it, because I don't like seeing authors treat this subject lightly, when I know it isn't ever light or easy. But your handling of it is beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing this, and for having the courage to attempt such a difficult subject.
Apr. 2nd, 2011 11:07 am (UTC)
thank you very much - this comment pleases me enormously. I was very taken aback when the thought of this came to me, and I resisted writing it at first, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I assumed this would be a oneshot, but found myself continuing it.

it has been a difficult story and series to write, because of the subject matter, but I'm very grateful for the responses I've had. the penultimate part should be up soon, and I'm currently wrestling with what should be the final story.


scallop voices


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