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fic: Losing It, In Fact

Title: Losing It, In Fact
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Mycroft/Lestrade
Rating: R
Wordcount: ~1400
Disclaimer:  They're still not mine. 
Spoilers: Set after the end of The Great Game; spoilers for that and (if you squint) for bits of A Study in Pink
Summary: Mycroft Holmes had always had a difficult relationship with food.
A/N:  Written for the square "experimental: whipped cream" on my kissbingo card.  The card is here.
Thanks to blooms84 for the excellent beta; this is for her and for et_cetera55, whose brain-meltingly NC-17 fic Obedience first introduced me to this pairing.  The Mystrade icon is by megan_moonlight.

 

Losing It, In Fact

 

 

Mycroft Holmes had always had a difficult relationship with food.

 

Well, always might be an exaggeration. Since childhood, let's say, for the sake of accuracy. Mycroft preferred to be accurate.

 

A dislike of physical activity, a tendency to sit with his nose in a book for hours on end, and a hopeless weakness for Mrs Banks's cooking had all played a part in making Mycroft the kind of fat boy school bullies loved to pick on. Luckily for him he'd also been an unusually clever boy with a way of making nasty things happen to his enemies. Otherwise life would have been even worse.

 

But even Mycroft's cleverness couldn't defeat Mummy when she decided being the mother of a fat son wasn't a good look for her. At nine years old, Mycroft was dragged to the family GP, talked about as if he wasn't in the room at all, and then put on a diet consisting largely of ghastly non-foods: starch-reduced rolls that seemed to be made of fibreglass, crispbreads so dry they made his throat close up, revolting milk jellies (because children need calcium to help their growing bones). He still had nightmares about the diet sheet years later, and occasionally fantasised about tracking down the author and choking him to death with its contents.

 

The grim years of Mycroft's adolescence were made worse – how could they not be? – by the constant seesawing of his weight, as one diet after another succeeded for a time and then failed. These days the fluctuations were less rapid and dramatic, but Mycroft's weight problem still persisted, as Sherlock never tired of reminding him.

 

Mycroft had been on his latest diet for four months now, and his medical advisors had stopped looking quite so ashen-faced about his blood pressure. He could get into trousers that had been lurking at the back of his wardrobe for years, and he was aware of being fitter, moving more easily. He'd even begun to think a bit more positively about the possibility of physical exercise.

 

One kind of physical exercise in particular.

 

Preferably involving Detective Inspector Lestrade.

 

It was Sherlock, ironically, who'd brought Mycroft and Lestrade together. They'd met in the hospital after that explosion at the pool, waiting to hear if Sherlock was going to pull through, and trying to support John Watson as he waited too. It had been a slow process, which left all of them drained, but Mycroft had found himself increasingly looking forward to his encounters with Lestrade, trying not to stare too openly at Lestrade's beautiful mouth and throat as he drank the vile hospital coffee. Even passing the hospital gave him an odd sort of thrill, weeks after Sherlock had finally been allowed home.

 

Mycroft knew he wanted something to happen with Lestrade, but he had no idea how to bring it about. He had very little experience of asking anyone out – he'd always been far too self-conscious about his body for that. And he thought Lestrade probably had him filed under Pompous Twit or possibly Interfering Bureaucrat, rather than Potential Boyfriend.

 

But here they were, on a fine summer's day, in the same place at last. By a happy coincidence – or what would have been a happy coincidence if Mycroft hadn't studied the surveillance footage of Lestrade's daily and weekly routine quite so carefully for quite so long. Sitting at a café in Regent's Park, Lestrade rather sweaty after his run, and Mycroft in his cool linen suit, trying not to get sweaty himself thinking about Lestrade.

 

Mycroft knew he was staring at Lestrade's muscular legs, couldn't help it, but looking at Lestrade's arms or his chest or his face – oh God, his face – really wasn't any better. Every bit of the man was perfect. Mouth-wateringly so.

 

Mycroft swallowed hard and reached for his uninteresting glass; the diet was very firm about not drinking anything but water with a slice of lemon between meals. Lestrade raised his own glass of iced coffee (the colour of his eyes, Mycroft thought wildly) and said “Cheers.”

 

Coffee's bad for you after a run,” Mycroft said fussily, hating himself the minute he'd said it.

 

But Lestrade didn't seem to mind. He grinned and said “I know. Specially with whipped cream on top. Just couldn't resist it though. You know how it is when you really fancy something. Nothing else quite hits the spot.”

 

Mycroft knew how it was.

 

You've got some cream on your top lip,” he pointed out squeakily.

 

Thanks,” Lestrade said, wiping it away. He took another mouthful of coffee and cream and looked at Mycroft, who was staring, transfixed.

 

It had happened again.

 

Whipped cream on Lestrade's mouth. Mycroft wanted to kiss Lestrade, wanted to lick the cream right off him, wanted to taste the coffee on his tongue and in his throat. Wanted it so badly he thought he might faint. He couldn't hide the greedy desire that must be showing in his face, any more than he could hide the erection now spoiling the line of his Savile Row tailoring.

 

Any minute now Lestrade would tell him to stop perving and piss off, or some such phrase. He waited for the blow to fall.

 

But Lestrade didn't say anything. Didn't look disgusted, or shocked. More as if he was working something out. And going a bit pink, actually, which was surprising but rather pleasant.

 

Have I done it again?” he asked. “The whipped cream thing?”

 

Mycroft nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak.

 

Lestrade went on looking at him. Still blushing.

 

Are you going to help me out with that?” he asked.

 

Mycroft tried to say What do you mean?, but all that came out was a squeak. Lestrade sighed.

 

Come here, you,” he said, standing up and pulling Mycroft out of his chair.

 

Mycroft didn't argue. He let Lestrade pull him close, till their faces were almost touching. Any minute now I'm going to wake up, Mycroft told himself, but please not yet. Shaking with desire, he ran his tongue across Lestrade's top lip, tasting the sweetness of the whipped cream cut with the salt of Lestrade's sweat. He slipped his tongue into Lestrade's open mouth and Lestrade kissed him back, a delicious melting kiss that made Mycroft buckle at the knees.

 

Mycroft kissed Lestrade hungrily, desperately, not caring for once who might be watching, or how ridiculous or unattractive he must appear. There was only his mouth, wanting, and this man who tasted of sweetness and salt like the best thing Mycroft had ever eaten.

 

Lestrade groaned, pulling away from the kiss. “Can we go back to my place?” he said. “Or your place? I don't mind which, but if you go on kissing me like that I'm going to have to shag you here and now and we're both going to be had up for gross indecency.”

 

My flat is closer,” Mycroft said, panting.

 

Good,” Lestrade said. “But we need to stop off at a supermarket or somewhere on the way.”

 

Mycroft moaned faintly. “What for?”

 

More whipped cream,” Lestrade said, with a wicked glint that made Mycroft feel dizzy. “Think we might find a use for it.”

 

I'm on a diet,” Mycroft protested feebly.

 

I could lick it off you if you're worried about the calories,” Lestrade said. Oh good Lord. “But you're a nice shape,” Lestrade added, brushing his hands against Mycroft's waist.

 

Mycroft's legs were shaking. He wasn't sure how he was going to get out of the park if Lestrade did that again.

 

I need to be a bit careful myself,” Lestrade said ruefully, patting his stomach in a way that made Mycroft's fingers itch to follow suit. “But there are days for sticking to a diet and days where you just want to blow it.”

 

Mycroft giggled.

 

Lestrade looked at him and grinned. “Come on,” he said. “Let's get out of here before the Tory lady over there decides to call the police. Otherwise I'll have to arrest myself and that could get complicated.”

 

Mycroft had a sudden and very vivid image of Lestrade wearing nothing but handcuffs and some strategically placed whipped cream. He whimpered, and Lestrade snorted with amusement, for all the world as if he'd read Mycroft's mind. Moving rather unsteadily, and somewhat hampered by giggling, the two men set off rapidly towards the park gates.

 

 ETA: there is now a sequel to this, Having His Cake

 

 

 

Comments

( 76 comments — Leave a comment )
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drachenmina
Nov. 25th, 2010 03:51 pm (UTC)
*cuddles fic and offers chocolate sprinkles* :D
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 03:57 pm (UTC)
thank you very much!

*adds chocolate sprinkles as necessary*
kalypso_v
Nov. 25th, 2010 04:03 pm (UTC)
Damn it, you made me read Mycroft/Lestrade, which I thought I would never do.
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
well I thought I would never write it! but my brain has been irretrievably corrupted by the authors mentioned in A/N, and by other Mystrade fics (notably randomly_rusted's, drachenmina's and elfbert's)...

thank you for reading!

*waves Lestrade Baroque icon happily*
(no subject) - kalypso_v - Nov. 25th, 2010 04:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Nov. 25th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
thimpressionist
Nov. 25th, 2010 04:28 pm (UTC)
EEEEE that is so cute! This makes me ridiculous amounts of happy :D
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
thank you! glad you enjoyed it.

handcuffs as requested. *grins*
stellary
Nov. 25th, 2010 04:43 pm (UTC)
Oh Lestrade you are such a tease! *starry eyes*
This is the best Thanks Giving gift I could have imagined.
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! delighted you enjoyed it. I know you are serious about this pairing so I'm glad the fic worked for you.
londonsabre
Nov. 25th, 2010 04:46 pm (UTC)
"By a happy coincidence – or what would have been a happy coincidence if Mycroft hadn't studied the surveillance footage of Lestrade's daily and weekly routine quite so carefully for quite so long."

Grown ups being silly! LOVE IT!
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
heh! glad you enjoyed it. thank you very much.
warriorbot
Nov. 25th, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
"...or what would have been a happy coincidence if Mycroft hadn't studied the surveillance footage of Lestrade's daily and weekly routine quite so carefully for quite so long."

Ahhh - seduction, Mycroft style - I love it!
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
thank you very much!

you just know he would. I pinched that joke from Jane Austen, sort of (a line in Emma)... if you are going to steal then steal from the best.
rusty_armour
Nov. 25th, 2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
This is utterly delightful! :-) I could really sympathize with Mycroft's lifelong struggle with food and his need to stick to his diet. I thought it was really sweet that Mycroft couldn't ask Lestrade out because he was so self-conscious about his body and assumed that Lestrade thought he was a pompous twit. It's a good thing Lestrade was able to read Mycroft as well as he did in the park and was willing to make the first move. It's funny and adorable that the very clever Mycroft was basically rendered speechless by Lestrade. I have a feeling that more whipped cream isn't going to help the situation... *g*
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! glad you enjoyed it. I could sympathize with that aspect of Mycroft myself (made him a lot easier to write). given the whipped cream prompt it seemed logical to go for that pairing and that scenario.

nope, more whipped cream isn't going to help Mycroft become more articulate... *grins*
Joy Zhang
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:04 pm (UTC)
Mystrade FTW~
But there are days for sticking to a diet and days where you just want to blow it

Exactly!
Oh sweet fluffy Mystrade is my favourite!
And whipped cream? That's a real kink I have!
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Mystrade FTW~
thank you very much! glad you enjoyed it. there's a lot of good Mystrade fluff around, isn't there? and the "whipped cream" prompt seemed too much fun to resist.
(Deleted comment)
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:41 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! and for the use of the adorable icon. very glad you enjoyed it.
et_cetera55
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
Aww! I can't tell you how delighted I am to have introduced you to the OTP that is Mystrade if this is going to be the result! Both funny and hot! I love how self conscious poor Mycroft is, and bless Lestrade for blushing :)

(And there is going to be a sequel along the lines of Mycroft had a sudden and very vivid image of Lestrade wearing nothing but handcuffs and some strategically placed whipped cream Y/Y? ;) )
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
*sporfles at idea of sequel*

maybe someone else could write one?

thank you so much for this - very pleased you liked it! as I say in the A/N, it was your fic that got me started thinking about the hitherto unsuspected erotic possibilities of this pairing...
(no subject) - et_cetera55 - Nov. 25th, 2010 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
tiny_teaspoon
Nov. 25th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)

oh yeah!!!!

Mhh I think I need some whipped cream.........right now!!!!!
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! hope you found some...

*grins*

nice icon!
(no subject) - tiny_teaspoon - Nov. 25th, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
elfbert
Nov. 25th, 2010 08:05 pm (UTC)
Mmm, hot sweaty Lestrade and delightfully shy-but-sneaky Mycroft - my favourite!

You definitely found the best use for a 'whipped cream' square on a bingo card! Love it.
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
hurrah! so glad you enjoyed it. thank you very much!

who else could I have devoted this prompt to? sadly there was no "crème caramel" prompt, but then you'd already run with that one...

*showing off your lovely RG pic as you see*
turante
Nov. 25th, 2010 08:26 pm (UTC)
Awwwww adorable!
I adored the story of Mycroft's struggle with his weight, and his self conciousness!
And Lestrade joking about the fact that he might have to arrest himself!
(and handcuffs, mentioned. lol)

the erection now spoiling the line of his Savile Row tailoring.
I know it's totally random, but my mind associated the word triumphant to this phrase.

*I'm using this wonderful piece of fic as reading excercise. yep.*
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
thought you would be pleased that your chant was answered! *grins*

thank you very much - delighted you enjoyed it.
random_nexus
Nov. 25th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
This was deliciously adorable. Loved it to bits & pieces.
:D

If you haven't already, would you consider cross-posting to the dilestrade and the brother_mine communities? They'd love this for its Lestrade-ish and Mycroft-ish wonderfulness.

EDIT: For a spelling oopsie.


Edited at 2010-11-25 09:16 pm (UTC)
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 10:57 pm (UTC)
thank you so much! delighted you enjoyed it. *beams*

and thank you for the cross-posting suggestion. I have posted it to dilestrade but haven't yet to brother_mine, though I will now.
(no subject) - random_nexus - Nov. 25th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Nov. 25th, 2010 11:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
fengirl88
Nov. 25th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
yay croc! very pleased you enjoyed this.

I think a lot of people like the thought of sweaty Lestrade... *grins*
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