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fic: Mastermind

Title: Mastermind
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Wordcount: ~1300
Rating: NC-17 (sexual content, pwp)
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: These characters are still not mine. No matter how hard I stare at them. Nor is the BBC's quiz programme Mastermind, or anything associated with it. And nor, sadly, is that great radio show Round The Horne, which makes a brief appearance here.
Summary: Home life at 221b Baker Street: “a cracked kind of domesticity". Fluffy pwp.
A/N: This fic seems to have been prompted by a comment kalypso_v made about Sherlock's failed deduction in chapter 5 of Consequences; it also bears the traces of an exchange with blooms84 about laundry arrangements at 221b. My thanks to them both.

"I miss Magnus Magnusson," John says. "There was something about the way he used to say I've started so I'll finish..."

Sherlock laughs and moves in closer.

"Oi," John says, "I'm trying to watch this, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," Sherlock says, nuzzling John's neck.

"Can't concentrate if you do that," John protests, feebly.

That was rather Sherlock's idea. He brushes his fingers across the tell-tale lump in John's trousers, enjoying John's sharp intake of breath, and pulls at John's earlobe with his teeth. Pretty soon it gets hard to hear John Humphrys' questions or the contestants' answers. And – as Sherlock can tell from the pitch and volume of John's groans – his vision must be becoming blurred by now.

Another evening's viewing sabotaged. Sherlock smirks and unzips John's trousers, slides gracefully to the floor so he can suck John's cock. This is his favourite part of the day. Driving John slowly crazy with his lips and his hands and his tongue. Making John's last helpless attempts to retain his composure collapse into urgent desire. Hearing John's increasingly desperate moans and gasps and cries.

High-pitched beeping signals the end of another General Knowledge round. On the telly, John Humphrys is sayinghe's started so he'll finish (saying it less well than Magnus Magnusson, obviously) and on the sofa, John Watson is making a similar announcement, though differently phrased. Mainly variations on oh god Sherlock please yes that oh god please I can't sweet Jesus I'm going to – ahh!

Sherlock manages not to laugh, which is just as well because laughing and swallowing at the same time would probably be a bad idea.

"You," John says, when he recovers the power of speech.

Sherlock wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and beams. Entirely happy with himself at this moment.

Who says a quiet night in has to be boring?


"I don't know why we have to do this now," Sherlock complains.

"Yes, you do," John says, with that note in his voice Sherlock can never resist. The one that says You are talking bullshit again and I love you.

"Boring," Sherlock mutters.

"I could make it less boring for you," John says, jabbing him in the ribs.

Sherlock dodges away, giggling.

"Are you going to behave yourself or do I have to make you?" John asks. It's not even a threat. He just sounds – interested. Oh god.

There must be a limit to the number of ways John Watson can be irresistible. Sherlock just hasn't found it yet.

They're out shopping for a new washing machine, because the old one – which wasn't actually very old – didn't survive Sherlock's latest experiment. Mrs Hudson had been ... seriously displeased. There were a few discouraging words heard that day, Sherlock thinks, recalling some old radio comedy show on BBC7.

Looking at washing machines on a Saturday morning would never be very interesting. But when you've been aching to be in bed with John Watson for the last twenty-three minutes it becomes a peculiar form of torture. There's so much to think about, apparently: wash temperatures, spin speeds, energy efficiency, measurements.

Sherlock groans.

"Shush," John says, and goes back to talking to the sales assistant.

"You should go on Mastermind," Sherlock says bitterly. "Name: John Watson. Occupation: doctor and part-time assistant detective. Specialist subject: Everything you never needed to know about washing machines. Ow. That hurt."

"The more you interrupt, the longer this is going to take," John says calmly, removing his hand from Sherlock's arse.

Sherlock gives a disappointed wriggle.

John looks at him briefly and grins. If ever an expression said Serves you right, it's the one John's wearing now.

He's enjoying this, the bastard. Drawing it out, asking more and more questions. Not even getting answers to half of them. The assistant wouldn't score very high on washing machines as a specialist subject. Have to make it up in the General Knowledge round, Sherlock thinks morosely.

At last John decides on a machine, and Sherlock says desperately yes, yes, it's absolutely fine, no there really isn't another one that he thinks would be better, and oh god do they have to have the conversation about delivery arrangements now?

Yes they do. Because John is inexorable. And he's having too much fun watching Sherlock go to pieces this morning to be ready to stop. That much is clear.

"John," Sherlock says, low and desperate, his mouth against John's ear. "Home. Please. Bed. Now. Please."

"Nearly there," John says cheerfully.

Sherlock glares. He is, too. Much too nearly there.

John winks at him. Bastard.


They just about make it into the hall of 221b and shut the door behind them.

"Sherlock!" John yelps. "Not here, for god's sake, at least wait until we -"

"Can't," Sherlock groans, pressing hard against him. "You – I – oh god." Too late.

Didn't even get his trousers unzipped. Bloody hell.

John's laughing at him, the sod.

Sherlock leans against him, knees giving way, head spinning. He feels sticky and uncomfortable and distinctly aggrieved.

Even sucking John off on the stairs, which he does despite John's wild protests and flailing attempts to push him away, doesn't restore his equilibrium.

"Are you secretly in league with my chiropractor?" John groans, rubbing his back and wincing as they finally make it upstairs to the flat.

"Your fault," Sherlock insists sulkily. "We could have done it in bed if you hadn't taken so long asking stupid questions about bloody washing machines."

John makes tea and they collapse on the sofa for a bit. Sherlock still misses smoking, but a postcoital cup of tea is always nice. He likes the way John makes tea.

He likes the way John does almost everything, actually. That's the trouble.

John starts giggling for no apparent reason.

"What?" Sherlock says. Despite the tea, he's still feeling hard done by about earlier.

"Fifty-seven minutes," says John, still giggling.

"Fifty-seven – you bastard!" Sherlock says. "You did it on purpose."

"Well, you always might have held out longer," John says. "But that is your record so far."

"I don't know why you think it's funny," Sherlock grumbles. "Now my clothes are all messed up."

"Just as well we've got a new washing machine coming then," John says, going off into fresh paroxysms.

He really is incredibly annoying sometimes.

"I think I might go on Mastermind, at that," John says meditatively. "I'm getting quite good on my specialist subject."

"Which is?" says Sherlock, though he feels he probably knows the answer already.

"The Sex Life of Sherlock Holmes," John says, grinning. "Don't know who's going to set the questions, though."

"Oh, you think you know it all, do you?" Sherlock says, witheringly.

"No, of course not," John says. "But as I understand it, half the fun of preparing for Mastermind is spending lots of time boning up on your specialist subject."

Sherlock groans. Seems John's been reading that American gay porn again.

"Hope your General Knowledge is better than your jokes," Sherlock says crushingly.

John's not crushed at all. "Well, it's certainly better than yours. Solar system -"

"Will you ever stop going on about that?" Sherlock huffs.

"Probably not," says John. He's got that look again, as if he's plotting something new. Glances at his watch.

"I think we should go to bed," he says.

Sherlock's cock twitches hopefully.

"I'm not quite sure what your record is for recovering between bouts," John says, "and if a question comes up about your refractory period I wouldn't want to blow it."

His jokes really are impossibly awful. Doesn't stop him giggling at them though.

Sherlock wonders if you can actually die of loving someone this much.

"OK, Mastermind," he says happily. "Bed it is."


( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
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Oct. 25th, 2010 12:03 pm (UTC)
this is so adorable. I love John's teasing. It's nice to see him in control of the relationship, in his own mild way. and smitten!Sherlock is also one of my favorite things. win!
Oct. 25th, 2010 01:04 pm (UTC)
thank you! so pleased you enjoyed it. I wanted to do a happy domestic fic after the angstfest. and I love to see John in control as well as out of it...
Oct. 25th, 2010 12:08 pm (UTC)
Oh good. This is a great incitement to comment, though I can't actually think of anything more fic-provoking than that I also like to see John in control of the relationship like this.
Oct. 25th, 2010 01:05 pm (UTC)
thank you again! I hadn't realized your remark about John's refractory period had lodged so firmly in my head till I found myself already thinking about this fic...
Oct. 25th, 2010 12:25 pm (UTC)
So lovely. Just what I wanted with my morning coffee. Adorably greedy Sherlock and a collected John. :D
Oct. 25th, 2010 01:06 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - glad this went well with your morning coffee!
Oct. 25th, 2010 12:35 pm (UTC)
Adorable! I love seeing them snarking and loving (and sexing, mm) all at the same time.
Oct. 25th, 2010 01:06 pm (UTC)
thank you - so glad you enjoyed it! it was a lot of fun to write.
Oct. 25th, 2010 03:16 pm (UTC)
This is incredibly cute! Love how John teases him, how they laugh at each other, just the boys being the boys. Dawwwww!
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *beams* glad you enjoyed it.
Oct. 25th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
Lol! It's great to see that John gives as good as he gets (didn't actually mean that as a double entendre but nm...!) Lovely fic :)
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
ha! like your accidental double entendre (occupational hazard in this fandom I think). thank you very much - so glad you liked it!

it was about time for a happy one...
Oct. 25th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
Love it!
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
thank you! very glad you do.
Oct. 25th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
Oh god, this is hilarious. I love horny!Sherlock, he's like a teenager just discovering his sex drive! And controlling!John....yum.
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:11 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - I'm very pleased you enjoyed it. I like them like this as well!
Oct. 25th, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
such happy fic. loved it.
Oct. 25th, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
thank you! I really wanted to write a happy one for the two of them so I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
Oct. 25th, 2010 08:45 pm (UTC)
This is very happy-making! Sherlock and John are just so adorable :D
Oct. 25th, 2010 08:49 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! it made me happy writing it and I'm very glad you enjoyed reading it.
Oct. 25th, 2010 08:51 pm (UTC)
So adorable! <3 I love John especially. And it's nice to read them so harmonious and playful after the misunderstandings of Consequences.
Oct. 25th, 2010 08:58 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *beams*

I felt they deserved a light-hearted fic after all that...
Oct. 25th, 2010 09:07 pm (UTC)
"Sherlock wonders if you can actually die of loving someone this much."

I hope not - otherwise I might just die from loving you, and this fic, way too much.
Oct. 25th, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)

*blushes idiotically*

thank you very much!
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Oct. 25th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - warriorbot - Oct. 25th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fengirl88 - Oct. 26th, 2010 10:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 26th, 2010 10:16 am (UTC)
eeeee!!! thank you. I enjoy your fics a lot, so am really pleased you liked this so much.
Oct. 26th, 2010 09:31 am (UTC)
LikeABoss!Watson + desperately aroused Sherlock = RAD FIC.
Oct. 26th, 2010 10:14 am (UTC)
thank you very much! delighted you enjoyed it.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 26th, 2010 08:17 pm (UTC)
very glad you enjoyed it - thank you! I thought it was time to write a happy fic for these two again...
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( 41 comments — Leave a comment )


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