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fic: Big Nuthin'

Title: Big Nuthin'
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: X-Men First Class
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Wordcount: 471
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, and this fic is not RPF.
Summary: Charles and Erik are guests on a chat show. It goes about as well as you would expect.
A/N: I keep going round in circles about this one - it started out as a very quick thing for fan_flashworks, and I probably should have left it there rather than deleting it in a fit of paranoia. I was amused by the idea of it but can't decide if it works in its present form. Title from The Roches' song of the same name.
NB this fic takes place in the universe of [personal profile] aesc's brilliant fic Magneto vs. The Magical X-Men, and it's for her.

In hindsight, booking Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr as guests on American Pye was a really terrible idea. Xavier, better known as Francis Pembroke, the creator of the hugely popular Magical X-Men comics, was usually a charmer, but his ex-supervillain lover was a different matter. Even after years of Xavier’s calming influence, Magneto was famously short-tempered and, it turned out, still given to destroying metal objects when things didn’t go his way...

“Gah,” the producer said, contemplating the ruins of the TV studio. He didn’t like to think what those cameras would cost to replace. He was pretty sure management would tell him, down to the last cent, just as soon as they’d got through dealing with the transmission outage.

The fanart stuff should have been an easy five-minute segment. All the talk shows were doing it these days. Sure, the crazy fangirls would bitch and moan about breaking the fourth wall, but who cared what they thought? And Vincent Pye was a talk show host at the top of his game, all Southern charm with a wicked streak as wide as the Mississippi.

What nobody had bargained for was Magneto saying he’d commissioned that explicit fanart to illustrate one of his most popular Magical X-Men fics, thank you very much. Vincent was still reeling from the revelation that Magneto wrote fanfiction when Xavier announced that he personally loved that artwork, and that Magneto’s conquering cape looked particularly fine in it. (The conquering cape was the only item of clothing in the picture. The producer had assumed it was a purple carpet, or possibly a bedsheet. It made an impressive backdrop for the coupling that was going on in the foreground.)

Magical X-Men exists for its fans,” Xavier had said, fixing Vincent with a glare. “It’s very poor manners to insult them in this way.”

The producer still wasn’t sure what had happened next. Xavier put his fingers to his head and wiggled them a bit, and Vincent Pye gave a startled sort of squeak and launched into a spirited rendition of I’m A Little Teapot, complete with gestures.

American Pye went out live. That was the whole point. Wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do.

And then the cameras cut out. Well, cut out was one way of putting it. Tied themselves in knots would be another. He’d never seen anything like it.

Heads would roll for this, and it wouldn’t end with the keen young researcher who’d sourced the fanart. The producer groaned.

In the green room, Magneto and Xavier were locked in an embrace that would have sent ratings through the ceiling if only there’d been anything left to film it with. And in the corner of the studio, Vincent Pye, now apparently under the impression that he was a penguin, was pestering the floor manager for fish.

Also posted at http://fengirl88.dreamwidth.org/175957.html with comment count unavailable comments.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 8th, 2015 02:18 pm (UTC)
I think it's brilliant. I love the idea of the embrace that would have sent the ratings through the ceiling, only the cameras were all tied up.

And who hasn't wanted a talk show host to be waddling round the studio thinking they were a penguin?
Mar. 8th, 2015 02:59 pm (UTC)
thank you - that's a very cheering comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

*admires your appropriate penguin icon*
Mar. 9th, 2015 02:51 pm (UTC)
::giggles:: This was really funny! Love the trashed studio and the host waddling around like a penguin. You don't mess with the fanboys either, apparently! LOL!
Mar. 9th, 2015 10:21 pm (UTC)
thank you! *beams* I'm very glad you liked it.

nope, don't mess with the fanboys - especially the ones who have superpowers...
Mar. 11th, 2015 07:58 am (UTC)
Love it!!! Came back to lj just to read it!
Mar. 11th, 2015 11:00 pm (UTC)
thank you! *glomps* it is lovely to see you here, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the fic.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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