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fic: First Light

Title: First Light
Author: fengirl88
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Some sexual content, but no warnings as such.
Wordcount: ~800
Disclaimer: They're still not mine.
Summary: Waking up with Sherlock at last feels almost too good to be true. Then he remembers the last few weeks, Moriarty and what followed, and he knows it’s not just a dream.
A/N: Written for the prompt square "body: ears" on my kissbingo card. The card is here.
Third in the series that began with Kiss Chase and continued with Worse Things. Thanks to blooms84 and ginbitch for the beta. This one is for kalypso_v, with thanks for our conversations about slash and related matters, because she liked the first two in this series so much, and also because the Wyatt!fic isn't written yet.  Happy Sherlock's birthday!

ETA: the fourth fic in this series is now upFragile Bodies


First Light

He wakes up with something tickling his nose, and realizes it’s Sherlock’s hair. He's lying behind Sherlock, one arm flung heavily across Sherlock's body. Must have fallen asleep at last, John thinks fuzzily, though he’d meant to stay awake and watch over Sherlock in case the nightmare came back. He's not sure what woke him – maybe a noise somewhere, or maybe just the light coming through the curtains now.

Waking up with Sherlock at last feels almost too good to be true. Then he remembers the last few weeks, Moriarty and what followed, and he knows it’s not just a dream.

John presses his face against the back of Sherlock’s head and breathes him in, wanting to fill his lungs with Sherlock, fill his whole body. He hears Sherlock’s breathing hitch, and knows he’s awake, though neither of them says anything. He hopes Sherlock isn’t regretting what’s happened between them. In one sense very little has. A few hours sharing a bed, heat exchange, hugging, a few chaste kisses to one side of Sherlock’s face.

In another sense, everything’s changed, and they both know it. Something they weren’t admitting is out in the open now: the significance of that other kiss, the one they still haven’t talked about, in the rubble of the swimming-pool after the bomb went off. The intensity is wonderful and frightening at the same time.

John nuzzles Sherlock’s earlobe, then kisses him just behind the ear. Sherlock gasps and jerks his hips, pushing his cock against John’s hand. The tip is already wet; John wonders how long Sherlock’s been lying there in that state, feels his own already half-hard cock stiffening at the thought. He strokes his thumb slowly around the head of Sherlock's cock, spreading the moisture, enjoying Sherlock's sharp intake of breath. He kisses Sherlock’s ear again, pulling gently at the outside edge with his lips covering his teeth, and then darting the tip of his tongue inside.

Sherlock moans and pushes harder against John's hand; the sound and the movement together make John feel powerful and almost unbearably excited. He rubs his own erection against Sherlock's back as he goes on caressing him, and sucks his earlobe, adding a hint of teeth as Sherlock whimpers and begs him please John yes that. Sherlock’s hand closes around his, urging him to press harder, move faster, and he does, till they’re both panting and Sherlock seems very close to coming.

But he doesn’t – instead he stills John’s hand and lifts it away, turns so they’re lying face to face, his cock touching John’s. Sherlock begins rocking his hips, pressing against John, sliding their cocks together. It’s John’s turn to catch his breath, because he can’t remember the last time anything felt this good.

“I’ve been wanting you so much,” Sherlock says, as if he can hardly believe it.

“Me too,” John says. He feels too overwhelmed to say anything else. The friction’s sending dizzying waves of sensation right through him, all the way from his scalp to the soles of his feet.

“So afraid,” Sherlock says shakily, pulling him closer and thrusting hard against him.

He doesn’t know, can’t ask, whether Sherlock means he was afraid or still is. All he can do is try to make his body say to Sherlock’s it’s OK, I’m with you now, we’re together. Say it with every caress, every pressure, every push of his thigh between Sherlock’s, every movement of his hips; in the way his hands grip Sherlock’s shoulders and slide down to his buttocks and the backs of his thighs, the way his limbs tangle with Sherlock’s.

The same message, over and over, in their racing heartbeats, in every shaky breath; and then another begins: yours, yours now, completely yours. Written in shudders and pulses and gasps and sighs, in the lost clinging grasp that pulls them into each other till there's no self left, only this thing they make together.

They lie quiet at last, John sprawled across Sherlock’s chest, Sherlock stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head. John kisses the hollow of Sherlock’s throat and Sherlock moans and twists away from his lips and tongue.

“Sorry,” John says thickly.

“No – it’s – it’s good,” Sherlock says. “It’s lovely, it’s just – too much.”

Sherlock sounds so uncharacteristically vulnerable and so completely undone that John can hardly bear it. The thought that he’s done this to Sherlock makes his throat feel tight with a mixture of exultation and fear. He wants passionately to protect Sherlock from anything and everything that could harm him, to hold him and keep him safe forever even though he knows it’s impossible. He wills his left hand to stop shaking, but the tremor’s still there as they tumble heavily into sleep again.

On the coffee-table downstairs, the pink phone blinks, unseen. The message on the screen reads: One new missed call.

Comments

( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
2ndskin
Jan. 6th, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
This. Almost no words for how affecting this is. Because it's full of ambiguity and fear of several very different kinds--John's, Sherlock's, and the reader's (that phone!!), and yet also bursting with romance and passion and comfort. Difficult to pick a favorite part--similar to your hand fic in that way--because every part is different and lovely. Sensation from scalp to soles. . . ultimately, I guess sending the message of "yours" in shudders and pulses and gasps and sighs . . . "no self left, only this thing they make together." Irresistible.
*glomps + admiration*
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
thank you so much! your comments are always wonderful. *blushes*

and thank you again for your encouragement and help with this one.
kalypso_v
Jan. 6th, 2011 07:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much - this is a lovely Sherlock's birthday present!

I like the sense that everything's changed already, before they do or say anything in acknowledgment of what they now know. And then the wordless messages in the love-making. And the other unseen message waiting for them on the coffee-table. I'm shaking!


Edited at 2011-01-06 07:48 pm (UTC)
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
thank you - I'm so pleased you like it! and those things about it particularly.

the Rosenkavalier and Wyatt fics will arrive eventually, but I didn't want to leave it till then, and this seemed a good occasion for a present.
kalypso_v
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:04 pm (UTC)
This is a lovely time for a present, particularly when I wasn't expecting one!
(Deleted comment)
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:22 pm (UTC)
thank you so much - that's a really lovely comment! I'm very glad you enjoyed it so much.
tiny_teaspoon
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:22 pm (UTC)
to hold him and keep him safe forever even though he knows it’s impossible

That is heartbreaking! *sniff*
And far more fluff than the average human can stand *gg*
thank you
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! apologies for the fluff overdose...
tiny_teaspoon
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:26 pm (UTC)
Oh no...don't apologize..pls *that makes me cry*

There can never be too much fluff!!!!!
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:49 pm (UTC)
thank you - I thought you meant there was too much fluff, so I'm glad you don't feel that!
(Deleted comment)
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I'm very glad you liked it.
uwsannajane
Jan. 6th, 2011 09:08 pm (UTC)
Am feeling a combination of delight and terror - well done, you!
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - that's a terrific response!
aynslee
Jan. 6th, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
Lovely. So touching. I love that Sherlock will let John see this side of him.
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
thank you - so glad you like it! it was irresistible to write him with his guard down for once.
innie_darling
Jan. 6th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
That's gorgeous.
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:08 pm (UTC)
thank you! so glad you liked it.
shouldboverthis
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
Wow, I cannot believe that I missed the first two. This tryptich is amazingly beautiful and frightening as well. The unsaid is breathtaking, and the harrowing final line.
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
thank you so much! I'm really glad you like it/them. I couldn't think what to do with the emoticon prompt until I got the idea of Moriarty, and even then I assumed that would be a oneshot...
lucybun
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
"He doesn’t know, can’t ask, whether Sherlock means he was afraid or still is." Just perfect. Beautiful!
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *blushes*

I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
inesdelsol
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
So intense I can feel my throat is tight now. I can feel Sherlock's vulnerability now, I can feel John's hand reaching for him . It;s like a painting, And you are an amazing artist. Thank you for sharing those shivers.

The same message, over and over, in their racing heartbeats, in every shaky breath; and then another begins: yours, yours now, completely yours. Written in shudders and pulses and gasps and sighs, in the lost clinging grasp that pulls them into each other till there's no self left, only this thing they make together.


masterpiece <3
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
wow! thank you very much - that's a wonderful response to get. *blushes*

I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much.
inesdelsol
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
*adds to memories *

*hugs*
na_shao
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
Just incredible -so intense and gorgeous. It's so good to see Sherlock come undone, to see he's so fragile at times, and that John is here, and will always try to.

This really was wonderful. Thank you for sharing !
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I'd never tried to imagine how things would be in the aftermath of The Great Game before I started writing these fics, and I wasn't sure I could do it, so I'm very glad you liked it.
darthhellokitty
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:02 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful - I love the beginning, when so much has changed even though they haven't really done very much at all yet. And then John just kissing Sherlock's ear, and practically undoing him.

John kisses the hollow of Sherlock’s throat and Sherlock moans and twists away from his lips and tongue.

“Sorry,” John says thickly.

“No – it’s – it’s good,” Sherlock says. “It’s lovely, it’s just – too much.”


Oh, god, I hope this goes on long enough for him to get used to things like this, the poor thing...

And in the background THAT DAMN PINK PHONE!!!
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:12 pm (UTC)
thank you very much - so glad you liked it!

couldn't leave the pink phone out of this one even though part of me wanted to...
cyranothe2nd
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC)
Oh holy shit! You bring both the porn and the terror, with that last line. I LOVE Sherlock's vulnerability but yet how he still makes the first move into the overtly sexual and John's thoughts and his sheer wonder at what is happening is just...guh! Cannot love this fic enough!
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:37 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *blushes*
that's a lovely comment.
and ooh, another wordstrings icon - very nice!
turante
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:57 pm (UTC)
Another little piece of my heart just broke, but this is so beautiful I barely care.
It's bittersweet and full of beautiful little touches like everything you do.
Really enjoyed it, up to the end, which is scary, but also brings closure.

*hugs you*
fengirl88
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:59 pm (UTC)
oh my goodness! thank you very much. *blushes and squeaks*

so glad you enjoyed it, despite the scary end.

*hugs you back and offers you glue*
anon_aspasia
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:59 pm (UTC)
God, that's just beautiful. Emotional and hot and believable...and then the short, sharp shock of the last two lines. Skillfully done.
fengirl88
Jan. 7th, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)
thank you very much! that's a lovely comment. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
six_two_four
Jan. 7th, 2011 12:15 am (UTC)
He hopes Sherlock isn’t regretting what’s happened between them. In one sense very little has. ...In another sense, everything’s changed, and they both know it.

This is such a perfect description of the John/Sherlock relationship (even in canon). Like how for a "normal" relationship, there wouldn't be much special about what transpired in A Study in Pink (minus the whole dead bodies, solving a mystery thing, which would probably be pretty memorable, but I mean on an interpersonal level between the two of them), however, it is actually really meaningful because of who Sherlock is and how that type of interaction doesn't happen for him.

Anyway, sorry for the long comment, those lines just struck me as so perfect for them.
fengirl88
Jan. 7th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)
thank you very much - I'm very glad you liked that (and no need to apologise for a long comment - they're always very welcome!).
red_chapel
Jan. 7th, 2011 01:56 pm (UTC)
Wonderful series! Thank you for sharing it.
fengirl88
Jan. 7th, 2011 02:11 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! *beams*

very glad you like it.
the_tire_swing
Jan. 8th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC)
Stunning. Everything about this is heartbreaking and beautiful.

He wants passionately to protect Sherlock from anything and everything that could harm him, to hold him and keep him safe forever even though he knows it’s impossible.
*wibbles*
fengirl88
Jan. 8th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
thank you so much! that's a lovely comment. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
(Deleted comment)
fengirl88
Jan. 9th, 2011 10:12 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! I know you want it to be one of them with Lestrade so coming from you that's a big tribute...

*hugs*
irisbleufic
Jan. 10th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, goodness - well, whatever that call was, it'll just have to wait! The quiet urgency of this is lovely, and the thought of Sherlock caving under the weight of that much need for John is always rather breathtaking.
fengirl88
Jan. 10th, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)
thank you very much! that's a beautiful comment. I'm so glad you liked this. I never thought I would write anything following on from The Great Game, so this sequence has been a surprise.
quirkies
Jan. 26th, 2011 04:29 am (UTC)
ok the last bit gives me suspenseful shivers, but the previous warmth and tension and confused transformation trumps the suspense. and i'm left with this the lost clinging grasp that pulls them into each other till there's no self left, only this thing they make together.
fengirl88
Jan. 26th, 2011 09:12 am (UTC)
thank you for another lovely comment! I'm very glad you like that bit particularly.
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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